Tag Archives: humor

“Relation-shits” – I love it!

Some solid relationship advice right here.

Hiya friends, welcome back. I’m not really sure how to start this so I’m just gonna jump right in. No relationship is perfect, and the worst thing you can do is compare yours to someone else’s. Whoa, wait…maybe I should back up and start from the beginning. I have a friend who has a girlfriend, […]

via Relation-shits! — The Biblio Feels

The things we realize…

It’s interesting how a random thought can turn into a realization about your entire childhood. A couple weeks ago, someone on Facebook posted about how they liked horseradish, and it got me thinking about my grandfather.

In the entire time that I knew him, and I’ll grant you, it wasn’t very long, but in that time, he never asked me to bring him anything. He would ask my cousins, or my aunts and uncles, but never me, and I think I finally figured out why.

To borrow the good ol’ sports analogy, I was born with two strikes against me. Let me explain…

First, my mother.

My mother is easily the most kind hearted person I know. Sometime early in my parent’s relationship, my mom was helping make sandwiches for lunch. My grandfather asked for horseradish on his. Mom, never having horseradish before, proceeded to slather it on to the bread like it was mayonnaise, and gave it to him. Grandpa took one bite, and spat it back out, yelling, “You trying to kill me, woman?!”

That was strike one.

Then, my sister.

My brother and sister are both 9+ years older than I am, and grew up when my family was especially church orientated. When I say “church orientated”, I mean, my father was a deacon, and my mother was a Sunday School teacher. So it was church every Wednesday, twice on Sunday, and every single day during Revival. This might not seem relevant, but bear with me.

Now, my grandfather liked to drink beer. He also liked to sit in his comfy chair, which left him with a problem: how to get a nice cold beer from the fridge…without getting out of his comfy chair. His solution was to ask my sister to bring him a beer.

Remember the thing about the church? Here is where it comes into play, because, you see, the church taught two major things: respecting your elders…and alcohol is bad. So, grandpa’s solution…became my sister’s problem. Alcohol was bad, but so was refusing to do what he asked her to. Fortunately, my sister has always been smart and came up with a solution to grandpa’s “solution.” She brought him a beer from the fridge, alright. But first, she gave it a good shake.

He made it through the unexpected beer shower the first time. And the second. And maybe even the third, I don’t remember how many times she did this to him before his cogs started turning, but eventually, he stopped asking her, and turned to my brother instead.

I love my sister, let me just get that out of the way now. She is the usually the sweetest little thing. However, she has her moments. And when grandpa asked our brother to bring him a beer? Well, she had a moment. She got our brother, three years younger than her, in on Operation Respect Our Elders/Beer is Bad. It eventually got to the point where grandpa would look around, realize that they were the only two there…and get up out of his chair to go get his beer, rather than risk another shower.

That was strike two.

By the time I came around, grandpa decided it was better to change sports than to worry about any curve balls I might’ve thrown him, and – just to be safe – he also wrote my name on all of the benches…with permanent marker. Now that I’ve had time to think about it, of course, I’m surprised he didn’t take a knife and carve my name into the wood.

At any rate, it’s a childhood mystery solved.

Never underestimate a reader/writer…

Something I forgot to mention in the last post.

After the CT scan was done, I asked if I could see the images. The tech guy, Keith (I finally remembered his name!), said “Sure. You won’t really know what you’re looking at…”

Little did he know, I had to do research on CT scans for part of Etlan. So he pulled up the image, and started going through the different layers.

Me: “Oh, okay,  there’s the nasal cavity, and there’s the eye soc-ohhhh, there’s the mass they were talking about.”
him: *gives me wtf look*
me: I read a lot.
him: What do you read??
me: a little bit of everything.

So yeah. Fun times yesterday. Besides the freakout, anyway.

Challenge accepted.

For the past three years, I’ve been pranking my youngest niece and nephew. It’s been easy because it’s fell within the school year. They would come home and find their bed sheets switched around, or their closet rearranged. Just little stuff that made them go “Huh?”

This morning, my niece, Koda, made sure to tell me: “You can’t fool us today! We’ll be home allllll day, and we’ll be watching you!”

tried to warn her that I could still get them. She refused to listen.

So I waited. After lunch, she’s doing her chores, and my nephew was sitting at the table, playing with his figurines. I have my tablet.

Me: “Oh…my….GOD! Koda! Koda, come here! Look!”

Both of them came running to see what I had on my tablet. I got two smacks upside the head, but I think I proved my point. With minimal effort, too.

Bonus: Less than an hour later, I nonchalantly said: “oh hey, look at that…” And they both came running again. Same picture. If looks could kill…

[Say ‘No’ to Zombies!] Day 1

–Edited to fix formatting issue.–

April 15th

Day 1
11:38am

If you’re reading this, either we’ve all survived or you found this in a room scattered with dead bodies, and I am among them.

Possibly.

If I’m not, you know, sneaking up behind you right now. I don’t know how this crap started or how it spreads, so it’s entirely possible that I am not fully dead, in which case…oops?

Read more

[Deleted Scene] Etlan

Thank you, Facebook memories for this gem.

A deleted scene from Etlan – Book 1: Storm Warning.

A stuffed animal hit the back of her head. “What the-?” She turned and stared incredulously at Kerry. “You’re supposed to be helping me figure this crap out, not using me for target practice! What the hell kind of friend are you?” She ducked as a purple rabbit flew by.

“The kind that isn’t gonna sit here and listen to you whine.” Kerry held up a green teddy bear. “And has a fully stocked arsenal of plush projectiles.” She grinned. “So…go grab a notebook and start writing, or does Good Luck Bear need to get up close and personal with your face?”

Of zombies and children…

So I’ve recently decided that I am going to walk a mile a day. Most of the time, I’m by myself, so I’ll call my mom or my sister for company, but my niece has also joined me a few times. Last night was one of those times.
She’s ten, but she’s pretty good company. We talk about astronomy, her day at school, and her latest obsession: the possibility of a zombie outbreak. 

Last night was a zombie night. She was asking me all kinds of questions about what I would do if I saw a zombie, where would I run, etc.. I asked her a few questions, as well, and guess what? 

Apparently my ten year old niece is smarter than most people in zombie movies/tv shows.

Me: If you saw a dead body and you weren’t sure if it was a zombie, would you poke at it to see if it was really dead?
Her: of course not! 

Me: If you knew zombies could find you if you made noise, would you start yelling or shooting guns?
Her: that’s just stupid!

Me: if you weren’t sure a person was a zombie or not, would you let them get near you?
Her: No!!

Me: Congratulations.You’re smarter than the grown ups on tv.
Her: That’s just sad.

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