No zombies today. Health issues had to be taken care of. Will explain later. Don’t worry, this is a good thing. Just…crappy timing.
Category Archives: personal
Alright, so. The past two weeks have been interesting, but not good for writing. You know the old “Kids say the darnedest things”? Yeah, well, one of the munchkins in our household decided that school was the best place to say those darnedest things. Twice. On top of his older sister coming up with the brilliant idea of doing all her homework…and then not turning it in to the teachers. How on earth this made sense to her, I have no idea, but last week was spent dealing with all those fun times. I had one sentence written for the next chapter of Don’t Feed The Trolls. Not good, I know. I had planned on making up for it this week, but then the eldest kiddo was sick, and then there was Halloween night…ahh, fun times.
Let me explain something real quick. We have a dog, Dexter. He’s an idiot. I love him, but gods all bless, he. is. an. IDIOT. Wednesday night, my roommate took Dex out for his nightly walk. Not even ten minutes later, I smell skunk. Now, I fully cop to being weird. I love the smell of skunk, so my first reaction was “Yay! Skunk!” and then…”Wait…didn’t B just go out there…with…Dex……oh no.”
Then I heard the cussing. And the sneezing. And the whining. B comes in, still cussing. I looked at him, me: “He didn’t…?” B: “THE HELL HE DIDN’T!” Apparently, Dex decided that the black “kitty” outside looked like it needed a dog nose up its butt. The “kitty” disagreed. It was too late that night to give him a skunk bath, so we just tossed his kennel in the backyard and he got to spend the night outside. We spent pretty much all day yesterday dealing with the skunk mess, and giving the dog, like six baths (he still smells, but not near as bad).
Honestly, it was kinda fun, but it has definitely pushed back the new chapter of Don’t Feed The Trolls. I’m hard at work it, I promise, but yeah. No update this week (in case you couldn’t tell).
Also: I am not taking part in NaNoWriMo this year (or any, for that matter), but I encourage anyone/everyone to go cheer on those who are.
Cross your fingers and hope really hard that this week is a bit better for writing, yes?
Alright, so I know things have been quiet here, but it’s been a bit of a bumpy ride this past month/two months.
First, I had a tooth that decided to go abscess. For those of you who don’t know what that’s like – it sucks. And the pain makes it damn near impossible to sleep. I’m used to going without sleep, insomnia has been a lifelong friend, but combined with the pain…ugh. To make it even better, that was the week when a big paper for class was due. I ended up having to text my professor, letting her know that it was going to be late, and why. Fortunately, I had a very understanding teacher, and she gave me an extension, but I hated to do that.
Then: the company my roommates (and I, by extension) work for had an issue with the fire alarm/sprinkler system, so we were all on fire watch for almost two weeks. Basically, every hour, one of us had to do a round on the property to make sure nothing was on fire. Every. Hour. On top of working – and in my case – schooling.
Add in the end of the school year, both kids being home, finals week, the author interview from the other day, and various other issues that have popped up…it’s just been a nightmare. (Still trying to figure out what I’m going to do with my Mondays now that “Lucifer” is gone until next year…)
Not saying there hasn’t been good to go with the bad…I’m finally figuring out Instagram, I’ve rediscovered my love for VIXX (seriously, I’ve turned into a complete teenager over these boys. It’s a bit ridiculous), and I started work on the proper sequel to Say “No!” to Zombies.
Ladies and gentlemen, and everything in between or out, I would like to introduce you to Book 2 of “The Survivors Chronicles” (name may change): “Don’t Feed The Trolls.”
I even made you something…um…pretty? Ha. Enjoy. And scroll down for a very short preview. As always, when it comes to Shelly, there is a warning for language.
Times like this, it is really difficult to remember that Karma doesn’t need any help. She might come to me for suggestions every now and then, but she’s quite capable of doing her job on her own.
For those of you who ever find themselves in need, I always keep a spare flashlight on hand. It’s yours for the taking.
Hiya friends, welcome back. As I woke up this morning, I knew it was going to have a good day (in regards to the Asshole and Panic). I was right, too. I woke up at a perfect four, and I felt I could take on the world. This feeling happens so few and far between that when it does I fucking revel in it.
I took my happy feeling and got a ton of shit done today. This morning I got up and got a good bit of my homework done. Then I prepped …
Hey, 1. You can’t say I didn’t warn you people about the eye puns, and 2. Just be glad I haven’t decided to be extra rude, and change all of my “I”s into “Eye”s. I am that much of an ass, I am not even going to pretend otherwise. 3. Dammit, I should’ve used this eye pun for the post about my glasses!
I said before that I would eventually talk about the accident that left me functionally blind in one eye, and I even went over in briefly in another post, but those of you who want the full scoop, here you are.
First off, let me explain: I’ve always had a stubborn streak – and, perhaps, even more importantly a contrary one. Tell me to go left, I’ll go right. Tell me to stop, and I’m gonna run right up and over you. It’s a running joke that I am so contrary, I couldn’t even be born on the day the doctor said I would be. I ended up being born two weeks late. Contrary. And it was the contrariness that ultimately caused me to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I was sixteen months old when the accident happened. My sister was fourteen at the time, and my brother was eleven. My father was at work, and my mother had been sick all day, so mom put me to bed, and then went to lay down, herself. My siblings were in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher.
Now, here’s where the contrariness comes into play. My mother put me in my crib, and told me to stay there. Three guesses what I did not do. (I’ll give you a hint: it starts with “stay” and ends with “there.”)
The minute they left the room, I was up and running. Climbed out of the crib, and ran right out of my bedroom, into the kitchen. My brother had just taken a glass mug out of the dishwasher, and seeing that a few drops of water remained inside, he did what any
one of us has probably done in our life times, and tried to shake the water out. He was holding it by the handle, he didn’t swing it wildly, he didn’t smash it against anything, he just gave it one good shake. The cup part of it detached from the handle and shattered…just as I came running around the corner. A piece of the glass cut through the eyelid of my right eye, and went into the eye itself.
My mom was a huge fan of the old show, Rescue 9-1-1. If it was on, the television was on, and the family was watching it. I’m not a fan of television, in general, but I can’t complain too much about mom’s obsession with that show. The last episode the family had watched happened to feature an eye injury, and thanks to this, my sister knew to grab a cup and place it over my eye, while someone else called for an ambulance.
Obviously, I was too young to remember all of this, and I’ve heard conflicting reports. One person told me I was flown from one hospital to another, and another person said that they drove me. From what my sister says, the paramedics who arrived on the scene wasn’t going to take me to the hospital, but one of them changed their mind, and I was originally taken to Franklin Square Hospital. I was then taken to John Hopkins Hospital (not sure whether it was flown or driven), where the doctors worked to save my eye.
When all was said and done, I had stitches on my eyelid and the eye itself. It’s been over thirty years, so my family doesn’t remember how many, but they believe it was at least seven or eight (maybe up to seventeen, total), and I wore an eyepatch for a while. Later, I visited the same doctor who treated me after the initial accident, and I found out that the reason I can’t really see anything on my right side, is because of a “trauma cataract.”
A cataract, for those of you who don’t know, is basically a cloud on the lens of your eye.
You can see it in the image above. The greenish mass that covers the right side of the lens is the cataract. I also have scar tissue, which complicates things a lot. I’ve been told that, even with cataract surgery, I wouldn’t be able to regain complete vision in that eye, and I am okay with that. I’ve lived with my vision the way it is now for as long as I can remember. Honestly, if I had the surgery done, I think I would be worse off because the constant movement where none had been seen before would just drive my brain up the wall. Besides, the glasses I wear now bring what little vision I have in that eye, from 20/80 to 20/30, I believe the doctor said, and that’s more than I’ve ever had. I put on these glasses, and I can actually read the clock from across the room with that eye alone. I’ve never been able to do that before. The only thing these glasses haven’t improved is my peripheral vision. Even if I look completely to my right side, I can’t see the edge part of my glasses. Meanwhile, on my left side, I can be staring straight ahead, and see the full rim and the left arm/leg of the frames.
Another side effect of the accident is a strong light sensitivity. My right pupil is permanently dilated. Have you ever had your eyes dilated? If you’re over 20, chances are, you have (or at least, you should have – eye health is important, folks!). Now, try imagining walking around like that all the time. That’s how it is for my right eye. Bright flashes of light on that side are physically painful. They’re also mentally painful.It’s not all bad though, I have excellent night vision. Unless the room I’m in is pitch black, I can easily read a book in a dark room, while everyone else is stuck stumbling around, trying not to trip over their own feet. Also, because I’m so used to the extra flood of light coming in on that side, if there’s a bright light on my left side, I can pretty much just brush right through it. It’s still annoying, but I can manage. On the downside, does the sun really have to be so flippin’ bright? (Kidding, guys, kidding. I science, I promise.)
What’s interesting about this whole thing, by the way, is how the emotional/mental impact caused the accident overshadows my life far more than the loss of vision. Besides my own slight PTSD over the whole ordeal, my family also has suffered. I don’t speak to my brother much, but from what I’ve been told, he still wrestles with feeling guilty over the accident, even though he did nothing wrong. My sister was the one holding me during the call to 9-1-1 and keeping the cup over my eye, so she had my bloody hand prints all over her. She was also the one who cleaned up all of my blood off the floor and calmed my brother down, who was, of course, freaking out. I tried asking her about it, but she can’t put the feelings into words – and considering she’s a writer as well, that’s saying something. I do know she also has a strong reaction to the sound of breaking glass, and she gets jumpy when children are near things that are out of a person’s direct control (people throwing balls, slamming stuff around, etc.).
My mother…her version of the story completely contradicts what my sister and I both were told by our father, so whether she has it right, or due to the trauma of the accident on top of the very recent (at the time) death of my baby sister, she has gotten it all mixed up, I have no idea. Either way, the whole accident had a massive impact on my family that still affects them today.
I was involved in an accident when I wasn’t even two years old yet, which has led me to being functionally blind in one eye. My brother was unloading the dishwasher. He saw that one of the glass mugs had water still in it, so he went to shake it out. As he did, the cup detached from the handle, shattering in mid-air, just as I was walking around the corner into the kitchen. Part of the glass cut through my eyelid and into the eyeball itself.
It is by sheer luck that 1) the glass shattered in air and was straight out of the dishwasher, so the shard was sterile when it entered my eye, 2) my sister had literally just watched an episode of Rescue 9-1-1 about eye injuries, so knew to take a clean cup and place it over my eye until I was taken to the hospital. Otherwise, instead of just being functionally blind, I would be missing an eye completely, and 3) we lived in Baltimore, Maryland at the time, which is home to one of the best hospitals in the world (John Hopkins – still in the top 5 in the US, as of 2018).
Due to the accident, not only have I lost all peripheral vision on my right side, I also have what is probably a mild form of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Sudden loud sounds makes my face feel like it’s trying to turn itself inside out (a really odd feeling, just so you know); when kids are in the kitchen, I am jumpy and nervous until they’re out and – in my mind – “safe;” I can’t stand things close to my face, unless I am in direct control of them, which makes wearing glasses a very not fun experience at times; and bright lights on my “blind” side make me flinch and jerk away. All of which has led to me being called “jumpy” on a shit ton of occasions.
I do not drive – nor do I ever plan on it – because I feel that it would be irresponsible of me to get behind the wheel of a car when I can’t guarantee that a sudden sound, or the sun reflecting off a car’s mirror won’t make me jerk away and cause an accident. Between those tics, and the cost of having the car fitted with special mirrors, driving just isn’t a viable option. And I’m okay with that. It’s an issue, and I know it.
But with all that being said, I don’t think I really qualify to speak up during the Mental Health Awareness month. While my symptoms are annoying, they do not really affect my life in a way that many others suffer from. Because of this, and because I want to participate in raising awareness of mental health, I will instead be sharing the posts made by a friend who suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and a panic disorder (which doesn’t have a cool acronym, and I’m very salty about that – even if my friend isn’t). She is documenting her month and what she goes through on a daily basis on her own blog, and I will be reblogging them here.
I will be posting three here throughout today and tomorrow to catch up with what she’s already posted, and then I will re-blog her posts throughout the month as she puts them up. Because of the time difference between us, sometimes my reblog of her posts will be a day later than the actual publication date. It is my hope that, by sharing her experiences, others will gain some empathy and understanding of what a person with a mental illness goes through every day. It isn’t all sunshine and lollipops, surprise, surprise.
If you notice, I have also added a link in the sidebar, right underneath the Suicide Awareness help site, to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) site. There, you can find more information and helplines.
Please, if you ever feel you feel like you need help – reach out. I know it’s hard, it feels like a weakness, but it isn’t. You wouldn’t apologize for needing help if you had a broken arm, why should you feel weak because your brain is a jerk? It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You having a mental illness is no more your fault, than it is my fault for being short. You can’t help it, neither can I. The only differences here, is my being short won’t kill me, and if I need help, society doesn’t give me any grief about it. The first can be somewhat mitigated if you can reach out and get the help you need. The second can only change if we all band together to get the message out there, and reduce the stigma.
So. Let’s work together. Reach out. I promise, if you need help? There will be a hand out there to hold. Someone who will work with you. Let them help you.
If you don’t suffer from a mental illness yourself, feel free to participate this month anyway. There is no excuse not to. It takes a village, guys. Let’s go.
#BatFiles : Tell me where the trigger is.
What is something that never fails to make your hands itch for pen and paper? Is it people watching? Driving around town? Taking pictures? What just really grabs your muse and says “WRITE ME”?#blogging #amwriting #WriteFightGifClub pic.twitter.com/8xEjxMnlDu
— Tiffany Crystal (@mishilen) March 19, 2018
For as long as I can remember, music has grabbed me by the imagination and dragged me along for whatever ride the tune decided to take us on. I blame Michael Jackson’s music videos, honestly (looking at you, Thriller, Remember the Time, Moonwalker, etc. ), but the fault wasn’t his alone.
The Kingston Trio must also take some of the blame. Songs like Dorie and They Call The Wind Mariah still take me from this world, and into another where people dance with flashing eyes and wicked smiles around burning campfires. Gue Gue sends me drifting through the bayou, falling asleep to the sounds of frogs and singing crocodiles. I used to listen to Shady Grove/Lonesome Traveler, and think up stories of why the man left Shady Grove and became the Lonesome Traveler.
One song of theirs in particular, has always stayed with me, but not because of the music or even the voices, which is usually the case. No, it stayed with me, because it was the first song I could remember listening to that told an actual story. All of the other songs were about love, or losing a love. Little snapshots of time, captured in a tune. South Coast is different. Give it a listen sometime, and you’ll see what I mean (if I try to write about it here, I’ll end up writing a short story to go with it, and…let’s just not do that right now, okay?).
This fascination with music and writing still continues. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve gotten more lost in a story I’ve created from the movie’s soundtrack than the movie itself. Even now, I find myself writing to music more often than not, though I have to be careful with what I listen to. If the lyrics are in English, then I get too distracted with the words to pay attention to what I’m writing.
I’ve tried listening to classical/orchestra, but all that did was either make me sleepy or just tune everything out. A couple writing friends tried suggesting electronica, but yeah. That turned into a big pile of nope for me, too. Some of the music wasn’t bad, mind you, it just didn’t do anything for me, inspiration wise.
So far, the best music I’ve found for me to write to is basically anything non-English. Luckily, I listen to a lot of music from overseas – mostly older J-rock and K-pop, so I still have plenty of music for my playlist. Also, the J-rock singer I prefer tends to be a bit…dramatic…with his music videos. Often, they tell a story (or at least part of one), and that makes me itch to tell one, too. The only problem I’m having with this strategy is that I actually studied Japanese for a good couple of years, so I’ll be listening to one of the songs and I’ll start picking apart the lyrics I can understand. I don’t understand Korean, so the K-pop songs are still safe, but it’s hard to write zombie fiction to songs like “Ring Ding Dong” and “Bubble Pop,” you know? Especially with the death of ShinEE member Jonghyun back in December.
So, for all you TL;DR people: Music gives my stories life, and RIP Jonghyun.
Ah, yes, I am a two year old, thank you for asking (hey, I warned you guys the eye puns were never gonna end…).
So, long story short, I have a trip coming up at the end of the month, and I need new glasses (my last pair was so bad, the next doctor was convinced I was given the wrong lenses or something), so I scheduled an eye doctor appointment and got two unexpected bits of good news.
- I now have 20/20 vision in my good eye.I’ve mentioned before that I am pretty much blind in one eye due to an accident when I was very young. Well, in my other eye, my vision was, at best, 20/40*. Not terrible, but not perfect either. Just a little bit nearsighted. Again, no big deal.
Well, when the doctor checked my vision this time, he said the surgery must’ve shifted my eye just right or something, because I now have “perfect”** vision. I had noticed before that my vision seemed changed, but I thought maybe the tumor had been affecting it, and now that the tumor was gone, my eye was just going back to normal. Apparently not, though! Hey, I’m not complaining. Had a tumor removed and a corrective surgery, all in one! Not a bad deal, hey?
I do have a prescription for new glasses though. Went and turned it in on the same day, so I should have my glasses here in a week or two. I went all out on the lenses. Got myself some transitionals so I don’t have to worry about losing my sunglasses. Again. For like, the millionth time.
- My eyes are leveling out.
The way I eventually found out about the tumor behind my eye was because of the proptosis – or bulging out. When you looked at me, it looked like one eye was lower than the other.
The first time I noticed it, I thought I’d had a stroke or something, because that was the only explanation I could think of for one eye to be lower than the other. After the CAT scans and MRI though, it turned out that the tumor was pushing my eyeball down and out. That was why my face looked all lopsided.
After the surgery, my eyes still looked off to me, and I figured my face was stuck that way because of how long it took before the tumor was removed. Our skin only has so much elasticity, and it decreases with age. I’m not exactly a spring chicken anymore, so I pretty much just resigned myself to my new look. I asked the doctor about it though, and hey, surprise, surprise. He said that they’re almost back to normal.
Whether or not my left eye will continue to move back into place, we don’t know. Honestly, we probably won’t know until it finishes moving. In the meantime, though, I’m happy. I actually put on makeup for the first time in almost two years the other day. Before, if I put on any kind of makeup around my eyes, it just made the difference in their positions stand out even worse, so I had stopped wearing it for the past year.
Plus, right after the surgery, it hurt to mess with my eye, so trying to put on eyeliner or eye shadow was just NOPE.
So, yeah, there you have it. Good news and more good news. My next official after-surgery check up will be next month, but considering the news I got this past week, I think the check up should go well enough. Fingers crossed, anyway. I am so ready to be done with hospitals and check ups.
Especially the ones that are first thing in the morning.
* For those of you wondering how the whole 20/20, 20/40 thing works: Basically, if you have 20/40 vision, it means that you have to be standing 20 feet away from something to see what someone with 20/20 vision can see, standing 40 feet away.
** Despite common belief, having 20/20 vision does not mean your vision is perfect. 20/20 only applies to the clarity of vision. I have slight astigmatism, so even though my vision is clear, it’s not perfect.
Yeah, I’m not letting go of eye puns anytime soon.
Anyway, it occurred to me that I hadn’t updated you guys on my eye problems lately. I had my six month check up back in November. So far, I’m still okay. My left eye still isn’t tearing up right, but it seems to be getting a little better? I (FINALLY) watched Justice League the other day, and at one part of it, both of my eyes stung like the tears would come. Only one eye actually teared up, but the stinging is still new, so fingers crossed it keeps improving.
My next appointment isn’t until May, but I need to talk to them before then to see about getting new glasses. It’s getting kinda hard to stare at my computer screen without squinting (which is weird because the last time I had my vision checked, my good eye had went from 20/40 to 20/20…I thought age was supposed to make your vision worse?), and it’s past time for a new pair anyway.
At any rate, life is getting kinda exciting. “Say ‘No!’ to Zombies” is finally finished, and “Blood Runs Black” is….well, not off and running. More like limping. I’m not liking it at all, to be honest, but it’s going.
I have two vacations coming up, one at home, and one with my family. Can’t wait, but there might be a bit of radio silence for a while. You can always find me on twitter, especially now that I’m hanging with the #WriteFightGifClub tweeps. This group is insane, but in all the best ways. It’s always nice when you can find your people.
It’s the New Year, so of course, everyone is making resolutions for the year. Some people are being smart about it, keeping it to things that are actually within reach (looking at you, Nikki ), and to you guys, I tip my hat. The rest of ya’ll are just crazy, and I wish you the best of luck.
Me? My only promise is to still be me. I know better than to try and make any sudden changes, and honestly, there’s not that much I want to change about myself. I’m not perfect, but I am me. I am the product of my life, and I am okay with that.
Now, I’m not saying there won’t be changes (in general), but the changes coming are about me finally getting off of my butt and getting serious about my chosen profession. That means more blog posts (dang it), more writing in general, and less Facebook games when I should be writing (really not liking that one…).
I’ve already gotten started on the more blog posts. I have two more posts about World Building in my queue to get finished, and I have another about Creative License vs. Laziness waiting to be written. There’s life working at a gas station (more exciting than you’d think, believe it or not), and life being a nanny of two kids who are characters all on their own.
For the more writing part, I’ve started work on “Storm Warning” again, and book two in my zombies series, “Blood Runs Black” went live on New Years Day. I’ve also joined the monthly writing challenge over at WritingChallenge.org , along with Nikki over at thebibliofeels. It’s only day 3, but we’re doing well so far. We just have to keep at each other, and that’s not exactly a problem for us.
The Facebook games…ugh. That is the tough one. I really only play one, but then I spend the rest of my time playing The Sims (4, of course) or DC Legends, and those…those are time killers like no other. In fact, I’m pretty sure Time sees those coming and just starts begging for mercy. It never gets any, but at least it tries. The other problem is that when I’m not playing those games…I’m playing Playstation. I don’t have the fancypants PS4, but PS3 has enough games to keep me occupied, and my roommate just added another one (more on that later).
So yeah. No new years resolutions, but a whole crap load on my plate anyway. Ah well. Fun times, amiright?