Don’t Feed the Trolls – Chapter 01 – Part 2

Don't Feed the Trolls (cover)Just when she thought everything was finally settling down, Shelly is once again thrown into the fray. Her friends are stuck on the other side of the Mississippi River, with no weapons, no food, and no chance of survival without her help. Throw in the complete collapse of civilization, extremely limited technology, and hordes of zombies that are becoming more and more sentient every day…

Hey, no one said it was going to be easy, but where there’s a will, there’s a way, and Shelly made sure to update hers just before she left.

Please note: this work contains language and themes that may not be appropriate for young readers.

May 25th, 2018


Did you have to send Sargent Short Dick Jean? He’s an ass, and we hate each other. You know this. And don’t give me that “you need to work it out” bullshit, either. We don’t need to work it out, he needs to go have carnal relations with himself. I mean, I appreciate you sending along Mr. BG (and his guns), but ugh. Jean? Really?

Alright, well, look. We’re hoping to leave on Friday, but it all depends on if we can get our team together in time, and if the weather cooperates. It’s already hotter than it has any business being, and it’s only going to get worse as summer goes on. At least we know the virus or whatever isn’t carried by mosquitos, and it doesn’t appear to affect animals, so we don’t have to worry as much about the bugs, but that doesn’t mean you get to skimp on us. I still expect at least two medics.

Also, I’ve had my final volunteer for the civilian team. Alex’s girl, Lori. She seems alright, but I’m not sure about her reasons for wanting to go. She just said that it’s personal. She’s a good shot with the bow and arrow, and she seems pretty level headed. I’m not sure it’s a good idea for her to leave without telling Alex, like she wants to, but I’m not her mother. I did tell Ryan about her plans. He looked pissed off, so I told him to take it up with you. Yeah, I threw you under the bus, deal with it. I’m going off to fix your fuck up, the least you can do is make your doctors help the boys.

Completely off topic, by the way, but we need to get a postal service set up. I mean, I’m writing you these letters, knowing you’re not going to get them until I get back from this fool’s errand, and I’m okay with that, because I plan on filling this journal with letters telling you just how annoyed I am. But Aubrey has mentioned wanting a penpal in the city, and without email and internet, snail mail is our only option.

Besides, you’re the one constantly going on about how “letters from the past are snapshots in time.” Isn’t that why you wanted copies of my last journal made? You all but had yourself a temper tantrum when I refused to give you the original journal, but I know better, and if we do rebuild our civilization, I will not have my words tampered with, you hear me? “History is written by the winners” – not this time. This time, it’s being written by the SURVIVORS.


May 27th, 2018


I got your weather report today. So glad you were able to let us know that it was raining. I would’ve never known that if I hadn’t stepped outside for TWO FUCKING MINUTES.

…okay, that wasn’t fair. Sorry. I’m just pissed cause, if your reports are right, we’re not going to be leaving for another fucking week, and I want to get gone so we can get BACK. All this waiting is driving me crazy. Scott keeps insisting that he wants to come with me, but if anything happens to dad, he needs to be here to step in and help out. Plus, we can’t just dump Bridget off with mom. She needs stability, dammit.

The supply wagon hasn’t arrived yet, but Frank said they were right behind him, so I’m guessing they’ll get here tomorrow. He also said that the team will be coming with it, so I had dad set aside room for them in the barracks. I’m trying to get as much ready as possible so when the rain ends, we can get the hell outta here, you know?

Speaking of wagons, though…are you sure it’s a good idea to only have ONE? I mean, there’s going to be what? Almost thirty of us? I plan on leaving at least half behind at the Mississippi, so we have a back up team already in place, but that’s still a lot of people, and I just don’t see supplies for thirty people fitting in ONE wagon, unless it’s like MASSIVE, which would then bring up another issue of how the hell would we pull it? We’re already planning on taking four horses, Danni and George helped pick out the ones they thought would be best suited for the trip, but we don’t want to wear them out too fast. If the wagon is huge, we’re going to need to rethink how many horses we’ll need, which means we’ll need to rethink the amount of feed we take with us, and just…we need to know.

I guess I’ll just have to wait til tomorrow. Oh joy.



May 28th, 2018


Still trying to make up my mind whether or not I’m annoyed with you. Why didn’t you say you were sending THREE wagons? I mean, at least they’re lightweight, but now we have to reorganize everything, dammit. Good thing it’s still raining its ass off (ha, now there’s something I never thought I’d say…).

Off to talk to Danni about a couple more horses.



PS: Love the supply kits you sent for all of us.


June 1st, 2018


You do realize that kissing my ass isn’t getting you anywhere, right? I mean, I appreciate you sending the new guy and the radar stuff, he’s already cleared us for leaving on Monday, but seriously. All you’re doing is making me wonder what the hell you’re up to. Stop it.



June 4th, 2018


I’m trying to figure out your thought process here. How exactly did you pick out these guys? Did you do a poll for the Most Annoying? Or like, voted to see who was Most Likely To Whine Like a Bitch? Cause hey, A+ job there. We barely made it out of town before SD was grumbling about EVERYTHING.

It’s hot. It’s muggy. The ground is wet. The horses stink. The wagons are loud. The trolls are creepy.

REALLY? YOU THINK? It’s JUNE. In NORTH CAROLINA. Of COURSE it’s hot and muggy. It rained YESTERDAY, so YES, the ground is fucking WET. Horses are ANIMALS. What did you expect them to do?? Smell like roses?! I am two seconds from sending his ass back to you. In pieces. Seriously, this is the LAST damn time YOU get to pick people for MY team.



June 5th, 2018


I just listened to Jean bitch for a solid HOUR about the “importance of status reports.” What. The. FUCK.

We’re in the middle of nowhere. There is no internet. We are reduced to HORSE AND CARRIAGE because hey, total collapse of civilization = NO CARS. No trains, no planes, NO FUCKING AUTOMOBILES. And he wants me to send you a status update?! How the hell am I supposed to do that?! I don’t see any damn messenger pigeons around here, do you? No? I didn’t think so, so I repeat: WHAT. THE. FUCK. Seriously, Will, I’m gonna end up killing him. There is a horde outside the doors right this very moment. It would be soooo easy to toss him through the window…I’m just sayin’.



June 8th, 2018


The horde is still out there. They’re not really doing anything. They’re literally just standing there. They’ve got the entire house surrounded, but I dunno. They’re being weird. I mean, check this out: it started getting too hot in the house, okay? So Kate stepped out to hunt down the breaker box so she could hook up the solar generator (don’t give me that look, of course we had her covered). There was a troll maybe 15 feet away. It looked at her and looked away. That was it.

She came back in to tell us that she couldn’t find the box, and went back out to check around the side of the building. I went to the side room to watch her through the windows (because hey, I’m smart like that), but when I got there…ugh. Sorry, hold on, got the shivers. He’s still out there. Okay. So. I got there. I moved the blinds aside, and there is a troll. Right. There.

I can see him, AND the breaker box, not even two feet apart. I could see Kate, too, and let me tell you something: that girl is bad. ass, Williams. She, alone, makes up for Jean. She stopped when she saw the troll. He must’ve heard her or smelled her or something, cause he was facing away from the house, with his back to me, but he turned his head when she came around that corner (on second thought, okay, she’s badass, but why the fuck didn’t she look around the corner first?? I’m gonna have to have a word with her…).

He looked at her, and then, here’s the weird ass part that has us all “wtf’ing”: he walked away. He didn’t turn and walk away, mind you, he just walked straight away from where he was standing. Went about five feet, maybe, and then just stopped and stood there again. Didn’t turn around to watch her, or anything, just stood there. Kate slinked in behind him, got everything hooked up and got back into the house. The minute she turned that corner, the troll turned back around and walked back to where he was when we first saw him. Ty checked the other side of the house, and there’s one there, too.

Jean climbed up on the roof earlier and looked around. He said they’ve formed an almost perfect circle as far as he can see, but there’s a bunch of trees in the way, so who knows how many more are hiding out there.

We were all talking about trying to make a run for it, guns blazing, but Sam went up on the roof with Jean, and did his radar whatchamacallitstuff. I don’t remember all the technical terms, but basically there’s a bunch of rain headed our way, so that took care of that.

Jean is pouting. He was hell bent on the show of force move. I told him he was more than welcome to go running off if he really wants to, but I’m not risking our wagons getting stuck in the mud, so if he does decide to go, he’s doing it on his own.



June 10th, 2018


Shit’s getting real here, Will. We’re still at the same house, and Jean is losing his fucking mind. Kate just asked me if we need to keep a watch on him to make sure he doesn’t charge the horde alone. I told her we don’t have time to be babysitting his stupid ass, and if he’s that unstrung after only a couple days, he’s not fit to be on this team anyway.

After I was done talking to her, I told the others the same thing. If he goes out those doors, he’s not to be allowed back in. I don’t care what that says about me, I am on this stupid trip to get my people home safe and sound. Anything or anyone who gets in the way of that mission is dead weight. I have a daughter to think about now. I am not playing around with this bullshit.

And seriously? You and I are having a nice long conversation about him when I get back. Cause, no. Just…no.


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