[ Say “No!” to Zombies] Day 67-72

What happens when a person with some common sense wakes up to a “zombie apocalypse”? Shit gets done, that’s what.

Spoiler: the dog doesn’t die.

Please note: this work of fiction involves a lot of swear words/cussing and adult themes. Kiddos beware.

June 23th


Well, that was expected. Good day, bad day. Good day, fuck you day. Three guesses which one today was. At least no one was hurt. We’re pretty shook, but we’re all in one piece. Sorry if this is all over the place, by the way. The kids aren’t sleeping, and I’m not sure I will be tonight either. So. Onto the day.

The morning started out alright. The ground is still wet after all the rain, so we were sticking to roads. The road we were on happened to take us right by a church. That was all fine and dandy, no worries, just a big ol’ building with a sign promising to “save” our souls. Yeah, whatever.

The forward scouts had already warned us about the building, said they saw signs of activity, but weren’t sure if it was troll or human activity. We figured we’d just hurry on past it. They had wedged a piece of metal between the bars anyway, so it wasn’t like they could come running out at us. Plus, we didn’t have much choice. If we took the wagons off the road, we probably would’ve gotten stuck. So yeah. We’re just trucking along as fast as we could, Chloe and Timmy in the wagons, cause like I said. Truckin’. Everything is fine, everything is good…and then I happen to look back and Chloe is smiling and waving to someone. Then she saw me looking, and got this big grin, telling me to “lookit the clown!” Looked where she was pointing, and there was a woman looking at us from one of the windows. She’s smiling at waving right back at Chloe, mouth stained bright red. I would’ve thought it was clown makeup, too, but the hand she was waving with had brown and red smears, and the entire front of her shirt was black. She saw the rest of us looking at her and waves her hand like “come on in.”

Ha ha, yeah. I don’t think so, IT. So we get ready to haul ass, when what do we see coming around the side of the building? Two more trolls. Both male. Scott and Dave both swear up and down that they checked the front and back of the building before and didn’t see them, so we have no idea where they came from. Here’s where the creepy part kicks in: they didn’t chase us.

They just stood there. Watching us. And yes, they were definitely trolls. One of them was holding an arm. He took a bite off it like it was a fucking drumstick. Yeah, I went green. Pretty sure we all did, I don’t know for sure, I was paying more attention to the trolls than the other’s reactions, but yeah. We got out of there, and the trolls just slowly made their way towards the road. They didn’t try to chase us, they didn’t growl or snarl or…anything. When we last saw them, they were still just standing there in the middle of the road watching us disappear.

Josh and Ben were the rear scouts. Scott and Dave stayed behind to wait for them, but the trolls didn’t make any movement towards them either. The boys all had their guns out and pointed at the trolls as J & B made their way around them, but the trolls just kept on eating. Creepy. As. Fuck.

And it gets better.

Okay, see, we kinda thought “what the fuck?” over the whole “they see us” thing. We CHECKED the trolls before. Their eyes were all cloudy, I even went back through my notes to be sure, and I have, like, an entire PAGE of notes about these things…they shouldn’t be able to SEE. It doesn’t make sense. Are they reversing the damage the virus did? If so, does that mean the virus will cure itself? But…they were eating a human. So…how? I don’t even know anymore. This doesn’t make sense.

I’m just glad Chloe didn’t see what that troll did with the arm. She’s freaked out cause the rest of us are freaked out, but that’s one visual she was spared. Timmy saw it, but we didn’t know that until we stopped for a break. We pressed on as much as we could today, trying to put as much distance between us and them as we could, but we didn’t have enough light to keep going after the sun set.

We’re…well, we’re in a house. Fuck if we were gonna be spending the night out in the open after that. Nope. No, thank you. I’m going to try and get some kinda sleep tonight. I don’t think it’s going to happen, but we’re all taking short watch shifts tonight. We’re gonna try and get as much sleep as possible and we’re leaving as soon as the sky is light enough to see where the hell we’re going. I don’t like what happened today. I really really don’t like it. I want to get home now. Luckily the others agree with me. From here on, it’s a mad dash. No more splashing around in the creeks or long lunch breaks. It’s time to move.

June 24th


Day one of mad dash…..stalled. We left at first light, which, because it decided to start raining on us, wasn’t til damn near eight o’clock. Then we ran into a road with the word “chapel” in it, and oh hell no. We took the first turn off we found, cause yeah. NO.

The rain finally died down, just as we hit a highway. It was packed, but not as bad as some of the ones we’ve come across so far. Some of the cars were deserted, so we went through them real quick. Nothing good, dammit. A couple blankets and some clothes, but nothing that would fit us. We took them anyway. I figure, worse comes to worst, we can hem the clothes or tear them apart and make new clothes out of them. Same with the blankets. With all the people we have, and the people at the farm, I’m sure we’ll be able to find a use for this stuff. And it’s not like it’s all that heavy either, so, whatever.

We ended up following the highway for a while, picking through the cars as we got to them. Some of them had suitcases in the backseat, we kinda picked and chose at random which ones we wanted to clear out and take a look through. We hit the jackpot when it comes to clothes in one car. A bunch of kids clothes about Chloe’s size, and bras. Bras are good, bras are awesome.

On a side note, did you know that you can chafe your nipples bloody?? I was wondering why the guys all decided to start walking shirtless, and they finally decided to let us ladies in on the secret. Abby, Melly and I have all been sitting here with our arms folded over our chest like HELL no for the past half hour. The boys are laughing at us, but I don’t even care. Cause seriously, what the fuck?!

Ugh. Anyway. Melly and Dave found a couple gas stations to go through, so we have….wait for it….MORE ramen. Oh yippee. They brought back sodas, too, and a bunch of cupcake things we’re gonna surprise Chloe with tomorrow for her birthday. Oh, and a weather report, kinda. They said there were some nasty clouds moving in, so we should start looking for shelter. At the same time, Josh and Ben came back to report that they found a plant nursery ahead. It was less than a mile away, and they said it was an actual building, not just a bunch of awnings, so we decided to go for it.

That’s where we are now. It’s raining its ass off, and there’s a couple holes in the roof, but we’re staying away from them, so we’re good. I’m writing while the guys are checking out the rest of the buildings and Abby and Karla are going through the stuff Melly and Dave brought from the gas station. Turns out, they brought more than just ramen, cupcakes and soda. There’s a couple boxes of crackers and mayo and potted meat, and how the hell did they fit all this in their backpacks?? I’m not complaining, mind you, but damn….

Okay, that was freaky. The lights kicked on, then back off again. We started looking around to see if we could figure out what was going on, and Josh just came to let us know they found a generator. This is perfect. They’re going around now, shutting off all the lights so we can charge the phones. They’ve been dead for a couple days now, so this is a huge help.

They’ve also found a couple plants we’re gonna be taking with us. A couple aloe plants, which will be good for sunburns when we run out of sunscreen, and a couple tomato plants. The tomato plants are almost dead, but we’re hoping we can change that. We’re putting them under the holes in the roof to try and get them some water without using our own. Found a whole shit load of seeds, but they’re mostly flowers. Got some better planting pots and fertilizer. Fingers crossed this shit works.

We’re giving the storm another hour and then we might just say ‘fuck it’ and leave. Not like we aren’t used to it anyway, and it’s still fairly warm. We’ll see.


We should’ve stayed at the nursery. We’re in the middle of the woods, it’s pitch black, and it’s cold. Or maybe it’s just cause we’re all soaking wet, but whatever. The point is, this sucks.

We have a fire though. Scott and Dave were smart. They raided the plant place for good shovels, and these ground claw things…I’m not sure their actual name, but they made it easier to break up the ground, and they grabbed like…five of these things, so hell yeah. Hot ramen and a gatorade for dinner tonight.

The fire is really smoky, but it worked for what we needed, so we’re just hoping we’re far enough away that we won’t have any troll problems. I told the others that if they see any wild game, squirrels, rabbits, birds, deer, etc, to try and take a shot at them. At this point, I don’t care about the attention it might draw to us. If the animal is small enough, we can toss it in the wagon and do all the skinning and stuff on the move. Josh seemed happy about that. He used to hunt for fun, he said. I almost strangled his ass. WHY couldn’t he tell us that sooner?!


He has watch tonight. It was that or I was gonna kill him. Melly and I are sharing a tent tonight. She’s helping me with Bridgette so we can both get some rest. We’re gonna try and find something nice for Chloe tomorrow before we stop for the night. The cupcakes will do for a cake, but we need a present, too. I think Karla is working on a rag doll, but it would be nice if we could find something to go with it. I can’t sew worth a damn, so I can’t do anything like that. My only option is to find something. We’ll have to see how it goes.

I’m turning off the flashlight now. It finally stopped raining, so it’s time to get some sleep. Goodnight.

June 25th


Don’t get me started today. No rain. That was the good part. Minimal trolls, the other good point. We made it to a house, and it’s a big house, so we went through everything and we managed to find a few old barbie dolls to give Chloe as presents. So that was a win. The cupcake things were good.

Um. I don’t really don’t know what to say today. We ran into another swamp. It was a pretty swamp, but still. We’re having to go out of our way to get across this thing, so I’m not happy about that. I’m just. I dunno.

I really don’t know.

June 26th


Had a hell of a thought today while watching Bridget play. She’s been extra fussy lately, and Karla suggested giving her some “tummy time.” Her and Abby both seem to think she’s somewhere around the 3-4 month mark, and that’s when babies start really hitting those “developmental milestones” like playing with their toes and stuff. So, anyway, we had her on her belly, and she was pushing her head up and looking around, trying to watch what we were doing, and it occurred to me…the same milestones Abby and Karla were talking about for Bridget….are happening with the trolls.

Well, kinda. I mean, them following us with their eyes, mimicking our expressions, the sounds they make…all of that. They’re a bit more ahead of babies, when it comes to like, motor skills, obviously. They can already walk and open door knobs, but mentally, they’re about at the same level? That’s how it seems to me, anyway. I really need to do some more experiments.

Scott and Dave aren’t here. They’re checking something out. Wouldn’t tell me what it was, but it’s got all the other adults working on some little side project in the other room, and I’m not allowed to see what they’re doing.

I hope they didn’t take my mood yesterday as some kinda sign that I’m gonna blow up again. I was just in a bit of a funk, that’s all. It’s hard being so close to home and yet so far away.

And, okay then. The boys are taking apart a wall? I’m gonna have to trust Mike not to take out a load bearing wall, but seriously, what the hell? Whatever, I’m on watch.

June 27th

11:09 pm

WE HAVE CHICKENS! FIVE of them! We have EGGS! Guess what we ate for dinner? Damn right, EGGS.

The scouts found a chicken farm yesterday when they were looking for a place for us to stop, but they didn’t want to get my hopes up, so Dave and Scott went alone to check it out. The building was HUGE, and most of the chickens were dead, but they found these five and started hunting down bags of feed. The little project everyone else was working on, was apparently a cage. So now we have one wagon with a cage and the chickens and the other wagon with the supplies. It’s unwieldy as all hell, but I don’t even care. WE HAVE CHICKENS. And eggs. When Scott and Dave were searching through the building, they collected eggs and did the float test on them. The ones that passed, they set aside. The ones that didn’t, they marked the shells so they can be used as scent bombs. Are my boys smart or what??

Having the chickens and the eggs totally made up for running into the river today. We eventually made it to a house, and tomorrow we’ll take the highway across the river and hopefully reach Fayetteville. Or the outskirts, anyway. We’re going to go around the city the best we can. I figure it’s going to be gone, considering how close it is to Fort Bragg, so at this point, we’re just trying to avoid running into a troll horde. Fingers crossed they took out the city long enough ago that the hordes have cleared out.

In other news, God, I’m stuffed. We scrambled the eggs with cut up vienna sausages and made bisquick biscuits in the firehole thing. We ate like kings, man. It was great. Off to finish washing dishes and get some sleep. I’m already counting on tomorrow sucking, cause, you know. Asshole universe. It gave me chickens, now something bad is going to happen.

Hopefully it’s nothing too terrible.

June 28th

9:15 pm

Nothing’s happened yet. Not exactly, anyway. We stopped kinda early tonight. We’re having a bit of trouble with the chicken cage thing. Mike built it out of wall pieces and window screens, so it’s not exactly top notch material, you know? Anyway, the chickens keep pecking at the wall, and we’re worried they’re eating the pieces of the wall. That can’t be good for them.

Also, we found some people. A little family. Well, kinda little. Mom, dad, and three kids…okay, maybe not so little, but whatever. They’re okay people. Kinda surprised us though. We found them at this RV park. We had stopped and were going through the RV’s looking for anything we could use, when we noticed that some of them were already picked clean. Ben went to open the door of one, and got the barrel of a gun shoved in his face.

Took a while, but we convinced the guy that we didn’t want to rob him or his family. We’re having a kinda late dinner, and then he and the oldest kid, I forget his name, it starts with a J though (we have entirely too many J’s in this group. I’m about to start calling them J1, J2, etc.). The dad’s name is Keith, and the mom is Lisa, I remember that. They have a couple daughters, but I don’t remember their names either. I’ll ask them again later and write them down. Right now, I just lost my train of thought.

OH. Keith and the boy are gonna help Mike and them take apart the screens in the RVs to make a better cage for the chickens. We’ll have to see how that goes. Abby and Karla are talking to Lisa about joining us. I honestly don’t know if they’ll do any better with us than how they’re doing here, though. I mean, when Keith said he was an accountant, I was like “how the hell are you guys still alive?!” But they’re not being stupid, surprisingly enough. They had been on a yearly retreat thing they did when everything went down, and instead of heading for the city, they stayed at the RV park and waited for everyone else to freak out and leave, then started picking through the ones that were left behind.

They’re not quite as well prepared as we are, but they did pretty well. The RVs have these small fridge/freezer things in them, and they still work, so we’re eating frozen pizzas and french fries and all kinds of junk food like that tonight.

Lisa showed us the little garden of her own she started a couple years ago. She wasn’t all that fond of the annual outing Keith suggested at first, but she came to an agreement with the guy in charge of this place, and he let her start a sort of community garden on the property. She’s one of those stay-at-home/soccer/pinterest moms, so she’s been out there picking tomatoes and bell peppers and onions…even some lettuce and potatoes! Not many, she said she couldn’t get them to grow as well as she’d like, but still.

So yeah. It would be kinda good if they came with us. I mean, Lisa would be really helpful on the farm. I’m not sure what help Keith would be, but dad could probably find something for him to do. The boy is old enough to help in the fields and building, and the oldest girl could probably start helping out with the fields, too. The youngest kid is only like two, so she’s a little too little to be helping, but she could learn in time.

We’ll see how it goes.

In the meantime, we all have our own RV to sleep in….kinda. I mean, there’s not enough of these things for each of us to have one of our own, but they all fit at least 4 or 5 of us, and there are enough that we’re not cramped. The beds are nice, too.

Dinner’s ready.


I almost forgot to ask. The kids are: Jackson (17), Aubrey (12) and Emma (2). And Lisa’s name is actually Elizabeth, but she prefers ‘Liza’ with a ‘z’, not an ‘s’. Oops?

Liza is going to go through old clothes they found in the other RV’s to see if she can make any of them into better outfits for the kids. Scott and Dave are on watch with Jack and Keith. They have one of the RV’s set aside as “HQ”. I guess they patrol the area every couple hours? I dunno. I’m off to bed. Goodnight.

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